No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize