so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
