Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
