There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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