god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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