The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
