So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
