is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
