Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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