Grow some girl-balls and come out already
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
