he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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