just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
