my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I got inside last night via doggy door
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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