I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
