this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
