So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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