I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
