All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
