have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize