Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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