You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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