I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
