Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize