so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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