Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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