I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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