the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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