you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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