I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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