Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
