You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
