shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
