i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
