I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
