and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
