if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
