I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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