Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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