I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
