A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
