Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
