you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
