Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
