have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
