God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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