remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize