I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
