did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
