My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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