Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You're like the curious george of whores
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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