I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
