Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
