My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
