I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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