It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
