I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
