I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
