ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
