I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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