I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
