weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
