let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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