I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
