Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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