Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
