His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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