Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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