Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize