Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
