You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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