and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Randomize
