3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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