My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
