So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
