So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
