I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
