no, he came in my armpit
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
