Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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