ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
