Yo dont text me then not text me
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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