can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize