i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
