Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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