she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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