she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
