Your dad touched me again.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
