the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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