So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
