i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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