I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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