He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
