Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i believe in u and ur pee
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
