Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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