if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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