so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
