Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
