there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
