Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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