my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
