So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
