I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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