we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
