i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
