You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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