Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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