Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize