I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
