In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize