it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
