There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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