I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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