Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
