so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
