ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
