apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
