I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
