I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
